Creativity

11 new dating websites sure to hit the spot

After a heap of online dating disappointments, are you still struggling to find your better half this Valentine’s Day?

Trust us, it’s not you, it’s them.

While most dating websites merely cover the basics, we get down to the nitty gritty of what you’re really looking for in that special someone.

From height specification to intellectual snobbery, we’ve created 11 brand new online dating websites categorising people in ways that would make Society raise its perfectly PC eyebrows.

1) Masterdating.com

Forget the BAs, BScs and BEngs: you’re after the real deal. Nothing less than an MSc, MA or MBA will melt your mortarboard. With a database full of highly skilled members, you’ll be sure to rub off on one another.

2) Metadating.com

What random sequence of events brought us to be sitting here, at this very moment, in this restaurant?

For the conversationally active, join Metadating.com, where members seek not the warmth of a human touch but an equally anal-itical mind. While members may challenge the validity of a machine predicting emotional attachment, our results speak for themselves. Why is that, do you think?

3) Up-dating.com

Join Updating.com, a brand new dating website that will give you optimum elevation. Stop picking people your own size and find someone you’ll really look up to. Feeling on top of the world isn’t such a tall order, after all!

*Please provide honest measurements for the most accurate results.

4) Procrastidating.com

Can’t make up your mind? Not sure whether this person is really your type? Join the Procrastidating.com members and gather outside the date destination umming and ahhing together! You never know – you might actually find someone you like (even if you do change your mind five minutes later).

 5) Abrivi-dtng.com 

Thnk it’s a waste of tym spellng thngs out wn u cud jst txt spk? Lol. Gt 2 the point wth Abrivi-dting.com nd find ppl with a gr8 SOH who share ur POV. Meet ur perfct bf, gf or bff! XOXO

6) Complidating.com

Who actually wants a smooth-running relationship? Feeling safe and secure on a daily basis is both daunting and boring. For those that think plain sailing is overrated, Complidating.com offers members the drama they’re looking for. Our database of married, overseas and emotionally unavailable members guarantees that sparks will fly!

7) Liquidating.com

Do you enjoy a good splash or soak? Dating a Liquidating.com member will be anything but a belly flop. Have some underwater fun as you plunge into synchronised swimming routines and show off your strongest stroke – some dates may even progress to the bathtub. And if that’s not enough, you can count on the Jacuzzi’s massaging jets to relieve any tension.

*Please note that heavy petting is forbidden in the swimming pool.

8) Backdating.com

Never say “never again”. Take it back to the start with Backdating.com, where the word “over” is entirely relative. Track down long lost loves – because we all know that if at first you don’t succeed, there’s nothing like trying again. Alternatively, look up those missed opportunities from days gone by. You’ll be surprised how many ugly ducklings mature into prime catches.

9)      Carbondating.com

Do you enjoy a freshly sharpened pencil? Does the mere thought of graphite indenting crisp white paper make you giddy? Whether you’re inclined to a natural wood base or shiny plastic casing, draw on one another’s preferences at Carbondating.com.

9) Outdating.com

There are those who like minimal, and those who choose maximum. Do you find dating too much hassle, costing more than it’s really worth? Let the other sucker do it for you! They organise everything – all you have to do is turn up. We specifically source people who are desperate for a date, so it’ll probably cost you half the price, too.

11) Impregdating.com

Cut to the chase with Impredating.com, where members know their end goal and aren’t ashamed of it. Time is of the essence, so if you can’t wait to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, join today!

*Please clarify family planning arrangements before meeting.