11 new dating websites sure to hit the spot

up-dating_adAfter a heap of online dating disappointments, are you still struggling to find your better half this Valentine’s Day?

Trust us, it’s not you, it’s them.

While most dating websites merely cover the basics, we get down to the nitty gritty of what you’re really looking for in that special someone.

From height specification to intellectual snobbery, we’ve created 11 brand new online dating websites categorising people in ways that would make Society raise its perfectly PC eyebrows.



Forget the BAs, BScs and BEngs: you’re after the real deal. Nothing less than an MSc, MA or MBA will melt your mortarboard. With a database full of highly skilled members, you’ll be sure to rub off on one another.




What random sequence of events brought us to be sitting here, at this very moment, in this restaurant?

For the conversationally active, join, where members seek not the warmth of a human touch but an equally anal-itical mind. While members may challenge the validity of a machine predicting emotional attachment, our results speak for themselves. Why is that, do you think?



Join, a brand new dating website that will give you optimum elevation. Stop picking people your own size and find someone you’ll really look up to. Feeling on top of the world isn’t such a tall order, after all!

*Please provide honest measurements for the most accurate results.





Can’t make up your mind? Not sure whether this person is really your type? Join the members and gather outside the date destination umming and ahhing together! You never know – you might actually find someone you like (even if you do change your mind five minutes later).





Thnk it’s a waste of tym spellng thngs out wn u cud jst txt spk? Lol. Gt 2 the point wth nd find ppl with a gr8 SOH who share ur POV. Meet ur perfct bf, gf or bff! XOXO




Who actually wants a smooth-running relationship? Feeling safe and secure on a daily basis is both daunting and boring. For those that think plain sailing is overrated, offers members the drama they’re looking for. Our database of married, overseas and emotionally unavailable members guarantees that sparks will fly!




Do you enjoy a good splash or soak? Dating a member will be anything but a belly flop. Have some underwater fun as you plunge into synchronised swimming routines and show off your strongest stroke – some dates may even progress to the bathtub. And if that’s not enough, you can count on the Jacuzzi’s massaging jets to relieve any tension.


*Please note that heavy petting is forbidden in the swimming pool.




Never say “never again”. Take it back to the start with, where the word “over” is entirely relative. Track down long lost loves – because we all know that if at first you don’t succeed, there’s nothing like trying again. Alternatively, look up those missed opportunities from days gone by. You’ll be surprised how many ugly ducklings mature into prime catches.



Do you enjoy a freshly sharpened pencil? Does the mere thought of graphite indenting crisp white paper make you giddy? Whether you’re inclined to a natural wood base or shiny plastic casing, draw on one another’s preferences at




There are those who like minimal, and those who choose maximum. Do you find dating too much hassle, costing more than it’s really worth? Let the other sucker do it for you! They organise everything – all you have to do is turn up. We specifically source people who are desperate for a date, so it’ll probably cost you half the price, too.





Cut to the chase with, where members know their end goal and aren’t ashamed of it. Time is of the essence, so if you can’t wait to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, join today!

*Please clarify family planning arrangements before meeting.


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