Her Magesty’s letter to Santa intercepted in Shoreditch!
One of our team spotted a gold plated Royal mail van hurtling northbound up Kingsland Road. Fluttering behind the fleeting vehicle, a fancy envelope fell upon the ground, right in front of our intrepid firedogger.
The pristine laid cotton paper envelope was sneakily opened and behold, within lay our Majesty’s seasonal plea:
One has been very good this year, and One hopes that she is on your nice list. One has tolerated Camilla quite nicely this year, and feels that this alone should put One high up on the list.
Harry has been somewhat calmer this year, and One thinks this may have been down to her strict lectures. Appearances are important, as you must know very well. Having mentioned appearances, One’s diamond jubilee is approaching. 60 years on the throne, my does time fly! One is hoping that you too have had a good year, and that your reindeer are in good health.One hopes that you’ve been able to gather all your presents in time for Christmas Eve, to send to all the other good boys and girls (and good monarchs of course). One would like to thank you for your gifts last year- the union jack dog footstall was delightful, though it did confuse the corgis! The thermal fluffy slippers were most convenient during the winter months. One continues to be amazed that you know precisely what One wants for Christmas.
One has a list for Santa this year, that one hopes would not be too much to ask for. This year, One would like a ‘slanket, ’a blanket with sleeves, a most ingenious invention. Preferably, One would like it in blue, to match the slippers brought last year. One would also like to request from you a moustache mug, as this would be the perfect vessel for One’s afternoon tea.
One always looks forward to your visits each year, and shall be leaving out a glass of gin rather than sherry. Gin is, as you must know, far more appropriate when visiting a royal home, and One’s spirit of choice. One will continue to leave out the traditional plate of mince pies to keep you going through Christmas Eve. One hopes that your travels are smooth and without delay this year.
Merry Christmas Santa, and Happy New Year.
Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II